Name:Julienne Wong DOB:22nd March 1985 Course:LLM International Law Location:United Kingdom Colour:Pink! Pink! Pink! Ambition:Travel around the World Habits:shopping Current motto:Work smart, play hard! Current Favourite Song:Silje Nergaard- The Waltz Last Movie:Jumper Current Book:1421 The Year China Discovered the World Drinks:Chocolate Mudslide About me:I may be older than I look, and I may be younger than I sound.
I may be nicer than I act, and I may be more cruel than you think.
I may be something you cannot explain, but either way, I`m still me.
Tuesday 8 January 2008
I often feel like a headless cow when people ask me what I want to do in the near future. My motto used to be "take one step at a time". Yet somehow as I grow older, this motto isn't working as well anymore.
Yes I have the privilege of studying overseas. Not one, not two but three years straight. It was never planned that way. Things never go as plan which is why I NEVER bother to plan my life to start with.
I've always like the idea of being able to do the things I want to do. After all, I only live once. But something is holding me back. Law, is the most practical thing I've done. I know I should be proud of my achievement, yet if measured with the best, I'm nowhere near to being at the top. I have been contented all these while until I was being put in a room with V.I.P's in my field; CA Judges, QC’s,known barristers and 1st class law graduates. Although I can fully comprehend their level of thinking, I still think I am in a completely different world from where they come from. Over here, you are measure with what school you to go (it better be a kick ass Grammer School), which prestigious University did graduate from, how many internship have you got (mine is closer to none! Well, at least none related to this field anyway), what is your parents occupation.....
The list goes on. How did I ended up with that group, all by chance and it's the best awakenning party. I suppose it's because they all had a certain family status or went to prestigious school all their life. If I tell them I'm from Assunta Secondary School, would that make a difference? If I tell them I prefer munching on chicken feet instead of drinking tea and scones for break time, would they understand? Or that I did no bother going on internship because I'll be working for the rest of my life anyway, start so early when you can enjoy life; would they understand? I doubt so. I didn't say anything, instead I just ask so many questions about them, they feel so flattered , they end up talking about themselves the whole time.
But enough about the group and back to the point. Point is, I suddenly realise I cannot take the pressure here. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to measure up to people's expectation here. I don't smile as often as I use to, I'm tired of being prim and proper, I'm tired of the weather, I'm tired of going to pub as the only form of entertainment and most of all, I'm tired of complaining about me being here.
Therefore, I've decided not to apply for PHD. I don't want to stay here to work for another year although I have the choice to. I'm packing my bags and going home after I'm done with my assignments.
I'm going home, taking a break, travel and I'll start chambering in 2009. And that's my plan for 2008. It’s going to be a great year! So what's your plan?
Sorry for the lack of updates. I was just overwhelmed with things to do back in Malaysia I did not have a chance to go online. I was meant to do my assignment back home as well but obviously, that did not work too well.
Now I am back in this forsaken world, all gloomy and sad. I miss home terribly.....so much so I spent the whole flight crying, woke up crying and am still crying.
I do not know why, but I just cannot stop tearing. I am crying more than when I had first arrived here in 2005. I guess as I grow older, I feel more attached to my family. Or perhaps I am so accustomed to being pampered back home, looking at the state of this messy house I'm living in ,really doesn't help me feel "homely". I had the desire to clean the house but the problem is, none of the mess is mine and I don't want to be accused again of touching other people's things again.
So I'm just in my room, on my bed and thinking of home. And that everytime I take a short nap, I wished that this was all just a dream and that I would wake up with the sound of my mom calling me from downstairs.
